It feels like either I'm mad because I don't post my story (to please her) or she's mad because I did post the story. Darn it!

Yeah, this sounds like one of those crummy situations where someone is guaranteed to be unhappy (unless it turns out she's happy with the workaround). That sucks.

(I am in favor of the solution that involves well-researched fic being posted, but then as a reader who loves that kind of fic, I'm a wee bit biased.)