I'm Eeyore

[dragonyphoenix]

I have been getting more and more depressed. At first it was only workdays, but then it started extending into the weekends. Today I burst into tears. It was just for a few minutes but it was over pretty much nothing. I'd been feeling like crying all morning and it finally burst out of me.

My friend Anne agreed with me that it might be hormonal (perimenopause), but also said this: "You are depressed a lot, so I wonder if you've ever talked to someone about chronic clinical depression? I have friends and family members who have been greatly helped by very mild and temporary medication--sometimes your brain chemistry just needs to be kicked back in the right direction."

I don't know. I don't want to take something with a bunch of side effects, but I am getting more and more miserable over time. ;-(

Comments

[dragonyphoenix.livejournal.com]

Up till now I've figured it was just my crappy job making me unhappy. Either today or yesterday it occured to me that maybe it's hormonal.

So the doctor would figure out if it's chemical with a blood test, right? You are so NOT encouraging me to go. BIG phobia! Honestly, this means Dad coming into town so he can drive me to the doctor because I'll be drugged out on Valium.

I do feel significantly better today. Possibly asking others for help worked to make me feel better. Or maybe it was that walk I took although I felt better before then. But I'm expecting to feel worse tomorrow when I'm at the job. *sigh*

But I do get that I have to do something. The whole keeps getting worse over time bit did convince me of that. *another sigh*

Ack, and look how late it's gotten. I still want to spend some time memorizing poetry before I sleep! That, at least, does consistently cheer me up. *grin*

[forsaken2003.livejournal.com]

You dont have to worry there are no bloody tests. Mental illnesses can not be found in the blood.

If you go to a doctor they will most likely ask you a lot of questions I dont remember the complete works of it because it was 15 years ago. But here are some common symptoms if you have a few of these you really really really should see your doctor right away.

1) You either sleep too much or not enough
2) You have a hard time concentrating
3) You feel hopeless/worthless
4) thoughts of death or suicide
5) you are much more irritable, short-tempered, or aggressive than usual
6) you have lost your appetite or you can’t stop eating
7) hallucinations. An example I'd see spiders on the wall which werent there. A man standing at the end of my bed
8) loss interests
9)Self-loathing
10)Reckless behavior. You engage in escapist behavior such as substance abuse, compulsive gambling, reckless driving, or dangerous sports. (Could also be inpulse buying)
11)unexplained aches and pains.

I hope this helps you!

[dragonyphoenix.livejournal.com]

Hmm, guess I went a bit overboard about the needles there, huh? Oh the joys of a phobia!

Hmmm, I do seem to be sleeping in late, on the weekends at least; during the workweek I'm often up late watching cheesy tv (distraction from the blahs). I've been more short-tempered than usual for YEARS now. I have been eating lots more desserts than usual lately, hence weight going slowly up. *sigh* I've never been once to hallucinate, even in my younger days when I took drugs (decades ago, that). Every once in a while I look at alcohol and REALLY want to get drunk. Sometimes I look at a knife and visions of my arms all cut up fill my head (slashes across, not killing myself), but the idea of cutting is freaking me out.

Yep, I think I need help.

[forsaken2003.livejournal.com]

I think you do hun. But I want you to know there is nothing to be ashamed of. I've had at one time or another all of those symptoms. But you should really try to get a hold of your doctor tomorrow if you can *hugs*

[dragonyphoenix.livejournal.com]

Working on finding a therapist. I have a friend who is a social worker, and she gave me criteria for selecting one. Plus I need to talk to work about whom they'll cover me to visit.

[forsaken2003.livejournal.com]

Thats great hun! Let me know how everything goes. Hopefully work will cover it or atleast help pay for part of it.

[dragonyphoenix.livejournal.com]

There is a number through the employee assistance program that I have to call first. Apparently I talk to them five times and they can give me a referral, which means my health insurance might cover it. I didn't want to call from work and am at the library now so I'll check it out in more deatail after dinner.

[forsaken2003.livejournal.com]

If you go your doctor they might be able to get you a referal. At least thats how I did it. Not sure if it works that way everywhere

[dragonyphoenix.livejournal.com]

But I want you to know there is nothing to be ashamed of. I've had at one time or another all of those symptoms. Oh, and thanks for that. It's still wigging me, making me feel like I'm a real freak or something. You're the first one I've given the symptoms to, even beating out Kat. She had to tell me something very drastic, that a friend of ours did during a breakdown, before I admitted visualizing my arms slashed.

[forsaken2003.livejournal.com]

It can be very scary but you are in no way a freak. Or if you are the two of us can start a club! =)

Sometimes its easier to hear that someone else has a problem before you can admit your own. Does that make sense?

[dragonyphoenix.livejournal.com]

That makes total sense.