but ...

[dragonyphoenix]

“I don't want to be mean, but …”

Stop right there. You’re about to be mean. If you want to say whatever’s coming after the word “but” then lose “I don’t want to be mean.” You’re being mean. Own it.

If you really don’t want to be mean, then “I don’t want to be mean so I’ll stop now.”

Comments

[dragonyphoenix]

I think psychology is fascinating, especially in relation to what's going on in my life. So. yeah, I can do this all day!

It's okay to feel "better". Thank you for this paragraph. I'm the perfectionist child who thinks "If I'm not being completely saintly, if I have even one mean thought in my head, I must be failing!" *shakes head*

I'm big with the avoidance. That's another family pattern. My aunt and I unfriended each other after I reacted to the Facebook rant against me. Something about me just bugs her. Also, when she's upset about anything or anyone, I'm the person she uses as a scapegoat. I sort of feel like I'm falling into another family pattern (avoidance) with this but we've never been close and I don't need the verbal abuse bombs appearing out of nowhere.

[baronjanus]

You do not need poison in your life unless there's very, very good reasons to tolerate it. That is all.


(patterns: I have one sister who explodes at everything, and one who avoids so bad I just recently realised she's actually terrified to any kind of emotion, her own or other people's. I'm closer to the explosive one, attitude-wise, because I do prefer things out in the open rather than silent festering, but finding a golden path in between isn't easy)

[dragonyphoenix]

You do not need poison in your life unless there's very, very good reasons to tolerate it. That is all. Thank you. I feel as if I'm supposed to want my aunt in my life but verbal abuse out of the blue? So not something I need in my life.

I'm more of an avoider, but not for any conscious reason. It's just the pattern I fall most easily into. There's a good reason my closest relative is 5 1/2 hours away!

[baronjanus]

Heh, yeah, I moved to another continent but family is good at keeping the drama alive by phone and other tech ;)

[dragonyphoenix]

Ah well.