my job and self-harm

Last Wednesday, I almost walked out of my job twice, I thought about running out to the parking lot to scream twice, and I had tears in my eyes once. I'm fed up with my job.

I'm planning to take a coding bootcamp and am trying to decide whether I should quit my job and go full-time or stay and go part-time. I'm afraid of quitting my job but I can barely stand it.

Pros to leaving:

• I'll probably stop grinding my teeth
• No more crying or wanting to scream at work. Actually I lose a lot of stress and frustration
• I'll finish the course much more quickly
• None of my co-workers wear masks so less chance of COVID exposure
• Self-harm thoughts will go away. I'm literally thinking of stabbing my scissors into my eyeball.

Cons:

• afraid I won't get a CS job and that no one will hire me for minimum wage job if they know I'm searching for something else (I actually have ways to mitigate no job offers such as people to refer me to jobs and hackathons)
• keep medical and dental insurance
   

The stopping self-harm thoughts may be the deciding factor. On Nov 8th I wrote in my (handwritten) journal that if thoughts of suicide became more imminent, I could pull money out of my retirement funds and live on that while training for a job that doesn't suck the life out of me. The self-harm thoughts are sufficiently violent that it's time to put that plan into action.