The Very Heart of Me 7/8

[dragonyphoenix]

Title: The Very Heart of Me
Fandom: BtVS
Characters/Pairing: Ethan/Giles, Xander
Rating: PG-13 overall
Concrit: Please, in comments
Disclaimer: They aren't mine, not yet, but the will be once I've taken over the world. Bwah-ha-ha.
Warnings/Squicks: None
Summary: Xander was as skittish as a young colt. “So, this is where I learn the kinky stuff?” he asked, obviously not quite certain why he was going along with these lessons. While Xander had still been under, Ethan had suggested he forget the reasons for the lessons but still be willing to be taught, no questions asked.

Story index is here. 

Ethan arranged for Rupert to be tied up every afternoon by suggesting to Principal Synder that he'd be the perfect man to direct the school play, Durrenmatt's The Visit. Not a bad choice, really, although Ethan himself would rather face a hoard of zombies than see what a bunch of high school students would do with it, even under Rupert's excellent direction.

 

Xander was as skittish as a young colt. “So, this is where I learn the kinky stuff?” he asked, obviously not quite certain why he was going along with these lessons. While Xander had still been under, Ethan had suggested he forget the reasons for the lessons but still be willing to be taught, no questions asked.

 

“Now now dear boy, don't you worry about that. Just a few tricks of the trade.” Ethan didn't notice it in himself yet but he felt reluctant to actually touch the boy. He told himself he was just easing Xander into it and that he'd get his licks in later. Xander was his closest friend, after Rupert, though and so, while he still assumed he'd be seducing Xander, his plans weren't heavy on any actual seduction.

 

“Starting out,” Ethan told the boy, “We shouldn't assume you're either a top or a bottom. It's best to learn the basics of each and then fine tune your preferences later. I'm going to start you out on something very showy but trust me, it'll be easier to learn than you expect. All it takes is practice.”

 

Ethan pulled out a whip. Xander's eyes grew large as he took a step backwards. “Pay close attention. I'm going to show you the motions and then you give it a try.”

 

* * *

 

Two months had gone by before Ethan finally admitted to himself that he wasn't going to seduce Xander. He didn't think Rupert should either. Raising the topic would, of course, be problematic. He knew he'd come off sounding like a jealous harpy and there was no way he could make his actions appear aboveboard. Especially since Rupert hadn't gone near the boy yet. He didn't know what to do. Things couldn't go on the way they had been but he had no idea how to fix them.

 

Until the night that Xander unexpectedly made his new skill set known to the whole crew.

 

They'd been in Spike and Drusilla's lair, which was full of some very interesting... toys. One cat 'o nine tails was so finely crafted that, even in the midst of battle, Ethan couldn't keep his hand from twitching after it. He was never sure but that may have been the problem: he'd twitched at just the wrong moment. The spell, that should have created a wall to push the vampires back, misfired and shoved Willow right into the middle of the pack.

 

“Well, well. Home delivery,” Spike said as he stalked towards the girl. “Slayer,” he called out. “How do you think your gonna... ow!” He shouted as a bullwhip cracked around his wrist.

Willow took her chance to run while Xander cracked Spike with the whip again and shouted, “You keep your hands off her.”

 

Buffy and Faith, taking advantage of the distraction, started staking minions right and left while Spike grabbed Drusilla with a, “Time to go, luv.”

 

As the dust settled down, Faith gave Xander and admiring look. “Xander, big with the kinky, huh? Maybe you could come over and play with me sometime.”

 

“Uh, would you believe beginner's luck?” Xander asked as his face turned red.

 

“Honey, that wasn't luck, that was...”

 

“Enough,” Rupert shouted. Ethan tried to look casual as he felt the blood drain from his face. I must be pale as a ghost, he thought. Really should have used a bit of foundation today. Not the most practical thought for that specific moment but it was either that or admit to himself that Ripper had just come out to play and it looked like that Ripper was ready to kill him. Even Faith was quite as they dropped the children home.

 

Ethan was lost in his own thoughts. He'd just lost Rupert but that hardly mattered, did it. It mattered more than anything in the world, really, but it had been inevitable. Rupert was too good for him, too good to stay with Ethan forever. If it hadn't been Xander, it would have been someone else. He tried to work up a good and righteous rage but found he couldn't. He was lost and he knew it.

 

* * *

 

“Why did you do it Ethan? Wasn't I enough for you?” Rupert asked, the hurt clear in his voice.

 

“Oh, that's rich coming from you,” Ethan replied defensively.

 

“Why?”

 

There it was, that simple question in that tone of voice, simply asking for information. Ethan found he couldn't detach enough to match it. “You're just jealous because I beat you to the punch.” May as well get it out in the open now that it's, well, out in the open, he thought.

 

“Beat me to the...” Ethan watched Rupert work out what he'd meant. It took a long time, much longer than he would have expected meaning he'd probably been mistaken all along. Shit. Nothing like fouling your own nest for no good reason.

 

“What exactly did you do, Ethan? You didn't...” Instead of finishing the question, Rupert started polishing his glasses.

 

“Of course not,” Ethan didn't quite shout. Then more quietly, with a sanctimonious tone, as if the thought had never occurred to him, he added, “I never touched the boy, not in the manner you seem to be implying.”

 

Rupert didn't fall for it. “Beat me to the punch, Ethan?”

 

Damn. “My initial intentions may have been, let's say, less than honorable but I swear to you Rupert, I really didn't touch the boy. I merely taught him certain,” he shrugged and finished, “ways to play.”

 

“But you intended to.”

 

Ethan looked straight into Rupert's eyes for the first time since Xander had cracked that whip. He knew his only chance was to convince Rupert he was telling the truth. “At first but I found that I couldn't.”

 

“And all this started... why?”

 

“You had your hands all over him,” Ethan whispered, picturing that dreadful day. “You were sexy, seductive, and beautiful and you had your hands all over him and told me to bugger off.”

 

Rupert raised an eyebrow.

 

“Fine,” Ethan conceded. “I do understand that was an effect of the love spell and not you at all but, well, afterwards you didn't want me near you and I had time to stew. It all made sense at the time.”

 

“I told you that love spell was an idiotic move,” Rupert replied. “And I didn't want you near me because I felt violated. I'd been forced to,” he stopped and shook his head. “I'm just glad you stopped me but I felt dirty, unclean. I wasn't rejecting you, I was trying to cleanse myself, to purify myself, so I'd be worthy of you again.”

 

“Worthy? You, of me?” When Ethan looked over at Giles, he saw an old man, bruised and hurt. At the same time, he saw a knight in shining armor, someone so noble and pure he could scarcely believe he was allowed into Rupert's life at all, much less as beloved and confidant.

 

“Are we going to survive this, dear heart?”

 

“Survive?” Rupert asked with a stricken look.

 

Finally, the truth. “I betrayed you. Looked at properly, I betrayed Xander as well.”

 

“You didn't betray me,” Giles replied. “You betrayed us.” Ethan gasped at the harshness of his tone. “But it's not as if neither of us had never betrayed the other before.” By each other, Ethan read into his words. “I believe that, between the two of us, we can weather this storm. That is, if that's what you want.”

 

“What I want?” Ethan asked in awe. How could you even doubt it? “Yes Ripper,” he smiled as he used the old nickname. “It's very definitely what I want.”

 

“We do, of course, have a responsibility to Xander. I,” Rupert paused. “I have no idea how damaged he's been by all of this.”

 

Rupert sighed. Ethan had never seen him look so old and worn. I did that, he thought. He reached a hand halfway out to Rupert and stopped. After a moment that seemed to stretch out forever, Rupert took Ethan's hand in his and pulled him up next to him on the couch. They held each other as they stared out into the night.