dragonyphoenix: Blackadder looking at scraps of paper, saying "It could use a beta" (Still Life Reviving)
[personal profile] dragonyphoenix

Title: In The Shadow Cast As You Were Leaving
Author: Dragon's Phoenix
Fandom: BtVS
Characters/Pairing: Spike/Dru, Angel
Rating: PG
Concrit: Please, in comments
Disclaimer: They aren't mine, not yet. But once I take over the world, they will be. Bwah-ha-ha.
Warnings/Squicks: Dru burns herself on a cross.
Summary: Looking up at her, I’d never felt so lost in all my life. She leaned down next to me and pulled me into her arms. Shushing me, she said, “I’ll be your Mummy now.” She comforted me there, right next to my mother’s ashes. It was… Glorious. No, not sharing that with anyone, not even Angel. It was rageviolenceangersex all rolled into one. Drawn deep into Drusilla’s darkness, I let my rage ravish her. I laid all my anger, all my rejections, at her altar and she purified me, raised me above it all. I didn’t even look back at the ashes when I left my human home behind me forever.
Notes: The title is a lyric from Something More Than This by October Project.

Written for Seasonal Spike/Drusilla; the story is


In The Shadow Cast As You Were Leaving


It was the kind of place you went to to get down to the serious business of drinking. Alone. While some of the tables had multiple, occupants would be as good a term as any, they barely glanced at each other, much less spoke. It suited Spike just fine.


Looking over at the mirror, Spike saw his booth. Empty. “Not even my shadow to keep me company.” Holding up the bottle, he asked, “Who besides you, my old friend, would never betray me?” He finished it off and dropped the bottle to the floor. “Even you leave me,” he said to the three empties at his feet.


Only problem with the place? You had to get up and walk over to the bar to get something to drink. Spike was thinking he just didn't have the energy when a bottle settled on the table before him. Whiskey. Someone knew his preferences but of course he did. Only one person Spike knew had hands that large. “Angelus,” he said, just to be snarky, with false cheer.


“How’d you know to come looking?” he added before he was struck by a thought. With murder in his eyes, Spike asked, “She went back to you, didn't she? Here to gloat? Is that it?”


“Spike,” Angel replied calmly. “You should know better than that. She doesn’t want me.”


Anymore than she wants me, Spike added to himself. In his sozzled state, it seemed like a bond between them. “Pull up a chair,” he expanded as he grabbed the bottle and held it up in a toast. Pulling a glass out of nowhere, Angel held it out for Spike to fill.


After Spike had guzzled down half the bottle and Angel had taken a sip out of his glass, Spike started reminiscing. “We never really connected, you and I. It was all about our girls, wasn't it? You had Darla and I had Dru. Then you had the Slayer and I still had Dru. How's that working out for you?” Finishing the rest of his glass in one chase, Angel grabbed the whiskey out of Spike's hand, poured it out for himself, and replied, “I'm here with you, aren't I?”


Nothing you could say to that, well, not if you wanted to be nice anyway and Spike, unexpectedly, did. They drank in silence, Spike refilling Angel’s glass once and Angel repaying him in kind by laying another bottle on the table. Glancing up at the mirror, Spike noticed their booth. It still looked empty, even with the both of them in it. No reflections, not for us, he thought. Angel sitting here next to me; Angelus not reflected in the mirror. Angelus reflected out of the mirror and into this guilt ridden sod with a human soul. Angelus leaving his mark over everything. Just like always.


“It’s all your fault, you know. I’d have never let her in if you hadn’t…”


“In?” Angel asked, confused by Spike’s comment. “You invited her into your home? I thought she turned you in an alleyway.”


Into my heart, you idiot, Spike thought but he couldn’t tell anyone that, not even Angel. Not directly at least.


Mother’s drawing room was bright, airy, and cheerful but underneath, oh, that was different. Underneath was drawn-out death, always present and always ignored. Denial they'd call it nowadays but I was just trying to keep her spirits up, wasn't I? So, the pretense that everything was normal until the night it all changed and became sudden, sharp death with ashes settling onto the carpet.


I’d reached my hand out but couldn’t quite bring myself around to touching them. Do you know that I still
can’t believe she’s gone? Sometimes I look up and think I see her, my dear, dead Mum. Some human will remind me of her.
Spike looked over and saw that Angel had known, that he remembered what Spike had done to those humans. He picked up his narrative again.


She found me there, Drusilla did. I’d been sitting over the ashes, my hands covering my face, crying. I didn’t know how she’d managed to find me, not then
, he added with a quick glare at Angel before he slipped back into his memories.


Was that your Mummy?” Drusilla asked.


Looking up at her, I’d never felt so lost in all my life. She leaned down next to me and pulled me into her arms. Shushing me, she said, “I’ll be your Mummy now.” She comforted me there, right next to my mother’s ashes. It was…


Glorious. No, not sharing that with anyone, not even Angel. It was rageviolenceangersex all rolled into one. Drawn deep into Dru’s darkness, I let my rage ravish her. I laid all my anger, all my rejections, at her altar and she purified me, raised me above it all. I didn’t even look back at the ashes when I left my human home behind me forever.


Come, my darling, or we’ll be late for high tea,” she said, drawing me out the door and into the street. A horse shied as we walked past. Something about Dru just put animals off, which I guess you'd know all about, but she glided on by as if she didn't even see it there, adding, “Oh, but you’ve already eaten. That was very naughty of you, to go ahead and eat without me.”


Panicked at the thought of disappointing her, I apologized. “I'm sorry, love.” I didn't know there were rules, I thought, not realizing she was just playing a game with me.


No cakes for you. I am very cross.”


No, my heart shouted out. As if she’d heard it, Drusilla turned and smiled back at me, looking as innocent as a little child, which was a bit surreal for me then, given what we’d just done. “You shall pick me out a cake,” she commanded.


Of course,” I replied stepping into the light of a street lamp. I didn’t understand her obsession with human food, high tea and then cakes, but anything my dark lady wanted, she was going to get. “There’s a bakery down the way but it’ll be closed…” Closed. Human rules no longer applied: we could find the baker to get the key or, even better, smash the door in.


Then I realized what she’d meant. “You don’t want cakes at all, do you? You want, say, that young man over there, hurrying off to the opera.”


You’re no good at this game at all,” she admonished while giving my hand an encouraging squeeze. “They’re all sweets.”


They’re all sweets?” I asked feeling vaguely disturbed. I was just a Fledge but I knew this wasn’t a normal conversation, even for vampires.


Tonight. Tell me what kind they are.”


A solid man, who looked more like a banker than anything else, walked down stone steps and pulled himself up into a carriage. “He’s a pound cake,” I said whimsically, distracting myself from her strange behavior.


Too plain,” Drusilla replied.


Climbing up into a tree, I peered past the white windowpane into a drawing room seeing that patterned wallpaper that was so popular back then, pale blue and pink, as well as a couch and chairs that looked both uncomfortable and expensive at the same time. There was only one person in the room, a young girl all dressed up for the evening and, given how excited she looked, it was the night of her coming out. Commenting on her dress, which was pink, a few shades darker than the wallpaper, with black lace, I offered to Dru, “This one’s a viennoiserie, covered in rich chocolate and red strawberry sauces.”


Oh, I like that,” she said, appearing in the tree beside me. It occurred to me that I had a lot to learn from her. “But how shall we ever get in?”


Get in?” I asked astounded. “We just break in.”


Drusilla’s laugh filled the night and I felt ashamed. “Silly boy, we can’t. Not without an invitation. It just wouldn’t be proper.”


Another game I thought at the time. “We don’t have to go in. Dressed like that? She’s going out. We’ll just wait for her to leave,” I offered, uncertain if that would be breaking another rule. Turns out, it didn’t. She came back licking her lips, commenting on what a tasty treat the girl had been, sweet as a summer's kiss stolen by moonlight.


Angel grimaced at Spike’s tale.


“What, too grisly for you? You’re the one who made her the way she was.”


“I… that was Angelus,” Angel said guiltily. “It’s not my fault.”


“It’s not my fault. It’s not my fault,” Spike snarked. “Damned if you don’t sound like a broken record. Take some responsibility for your actions. Hell, you used to think it was funny.”


“That wasn't me,” Angel wailed.


“Do you remember it? When you and Darla first told me what you'd done to Dru?”


Hanging his head, Angel replied, “Yes.”


I had one glorious night, thinking it was just the two of us. We danced to music only she could hear. She convinced a child to invite us in and we painted the walls red with blood. That was the second time I had her and the most innocent. I'd left my human life behind me and still thought my Dru was perfect.


Towards morning, she grew agitated and ordered me find her a church. I thought it was a lark, that she was going to kill a priest or something.


“Near the anniversary of her death, Dru always became fascinated with churches, with the life she'd lost,” Angel offered.


Spike laughed, took another swig, and poured out some more whiskey for Angel, who left it sitting there untouched.


She raced through the church, stopping to peer under pews, running ahead into a side alcove and by the time I'd caught up with her she was gazing at the stars on the arched ceiling, or she'd race back past me only to be caught by a stained glass window of St. Sebastian pierced by arrows, or I'd catch up with her to find her peering into the baptismal font. All the time she was shouting “Where is she? Where is she?”


Where's whom, love?” I asked as she rubbed her hands across a mosaic.


It's all ridges, just like our true faces,” she whispered.


Drusilla, whom have you been looking for?” I asked gently.


St. Lucy, of course. She has my Mummy's eyes. Mummy needs them to fight off the angel. How can she fight the angel if it's all dark? How can she protect us if she can't see? The angel is coming, the angel, the angel,” she screamed as she ran off again, up to the altar. When I caught up with her, she was staring at an ornate cross but I didn't know why at the time, now did I? It's not my fault. I didn't know she was actually going to touch the bloody thing.


She screamed, scrambling away from it, holding out her burnt hand. I wanted to kiss it better for her but was afraid of the burn so I wrapped it in a handkerchief instead. “Why? William, why does it burn me so? It never used to,” she cried. As I kissed her tears away, I murmured comforting nonsense syllables.


Was that before you were turned? When it didn't hurt you?” I asked gently.


Oh, yes. I'd forgotten,” she replied. I'd had some inklings earlier in the evening but that's when I knew for sure. There was something wrong with my beloved Dru.


Shhh,” I wrapped her in my arms and rocked her gently back and forth. About then the priest came by, indignant that we'd been wandering around his church. Lucky break for Dru though, his blood healed her burns right up.


As dawn approached she took me to meet what she called my new family. We stepped out onto the top floor of one of the finest hotels of the city and I couldn't help but be impressed. God, I was stupid. But the cabinets and tables had been carved in a newer style that I hadn't had any exposure to. They were quite ornate but, compared to what I was used to, seemed light and airy. A display cabinet caught my attention: all triangles, jutting out or recessing back in, and arches reminding me of the church. I was just about to bring up Dru's burns, thinking one of you could make sure she was all right when Darla took one look at me and spat out, “Oh God, you didn't. Tell me you didn't turn the first idiot that came along.”


“So much for a welcoming family,” Angel said.


“Yeah, whatever. Not as if I ever liked that bitch,” Spike replied. Then his face grew fond. “But Dru called me her golden boy. Remember that? So bright I outshone the sun.”


“I always wondered if that wasn't why you bleached your hair,” Angel asked.


“Liked the look, didn't I?” Spike replied with a shrug. Neither one of them commented that Spike couldn't actually see how he looked.


“Dru asked if she could keep you,” Angel reminisced.


Spike flared up at that. “Not her bloody pet.” But I would have been, he thought after a moment. Anything Dru wanted, I would have been. Still would be if I could figure out what that was long enough to get her to take me back.


Dru wanted it,” Spike said, tugging on a lock of his hair.The lightness outside contrasting to the darkness within.”


He's my golden boy,” she'd said. “He shines brighter than all the stars in the sky. Brighter than the sun even.”


She ran over to you, leaving me standing alone by the door, to ask if she could keep me. Can't say I much cared for that. I hadn't realized there was even a question of it before she asked. And calling you “Daddy.” Well.


“You asked who we were, trying to look tough. You didn't,” Angel said honestly.


“You took care of that though, didn't you?” Spike replied referring to decades of dominance by Angelus. Getting back to his reminiscence, he added, “Dru introduced the two of you as Daddy and Grandmama, which Darla didn't much care for.”


“As I remember, you didn't like it either,” Angel replied.


“Can't say I did. I'd forgotten, by then, that she'd called herself as my Mummy earlier. It seemed that you three were a family and I... wasn't.”


Turning back to you, she asked, “May I keep him?” Then you took her in your arms and kissed her, long and hard and deep, while feeling up her ass, right in front of me. “Oh, Daddy,” she moaned.


You looked over at me and laughed. I was ready to tear you a new arsehole and you held my girl while you laughed. “Of course you can keep him. Don't I always let you have any toy you want?” Your words were like a punch to my gut.


So, have you noticed it yet?” Darla called out, interrupting our not quite a fight. “Are you bright enough to have figured it out?” She stepped over and wrapped an arm around you so it was the three of you, all cozy together and me on the outside.


Noticed what?” I asked, not wanting to know where she was going.


Shifting into your arm, Darla wrapped herself around Dru, whispering into her ear but loud enough that I could hear. “Tell your...”


William,” Dru interrupted.


What?”


His name. It's William,” Dru said.


Tell Stinking Billy what Angelus did to you,” Darla finished.


Dru was starting to get agitated and I reached out my hand to her but something in the way Darla held her stopped me. I just stood there, not knowing what to do, not knowing what was happening, while Darla riled my Dru up.


She started trembling as she replied. “He killed them all. Mummy. Daddy. My pretty, princess sisters.”


Aunts, uncles, cousins,” you added, obviously amused by her distress as you` kissed Dru's neck but looked over at me. “Oh, and random acquaintances.”


And my kittens,” Dru added, looking down at the floor.


I'd almost forgotten that,” you said as you stepped back to pour out three glasses of wine. “Skinned them alive, right before your eyes. It took most of the night and they cried till the very end. So did you, come to think of it. But you never wore the gloves,” you added, looking upset as you handed two glasses over to Darla. She passed one over to Dru, whose hands were trembling so that Darla took it back before it spilled all over the rug. As you held your glass up to Dru's lips, you brushed your hand along her hair, looked at her tenderly, and said, “I had the daintiest gloves made out of their skins and you never wore them.”


“Do we have to go there?” Angel interrupted.


“What? Can't take it? I have to admit, if it had been anybody other than Dru you'd done it to...” Spike trailed off. “But that wasn't all you did.”


Committed obscene acts on her body after she'd taken holy orders,” Darla added.


Would you like to recreate some of them to while the day away? Give Sweet William a show?” you offered.


Why?” I whispered, my knuckles white against my still tanned skin.


Why?” you asked as if the answer were obvious. “Because it was fun.”


To break her,” Darla added. “Our poor, little girl is quite mad.” As Dru began to cry, Darla petted and shushed at her. Get your filthy hands off of her, you witch, I thought but then you spoke.


She belongs in Bedlam. How well do you think she'd fare there, Billy Boy?”


“That's when you attacked me,” Angel said.


“Thought that wasn't you. At least that's what you said earlier,” Spike answered taking another swig of whiskey to try and hide his distress. “I gave you a bit of a fight though, more than you were expecting from a Fledge.”


“I hadn't expected your bond to be quite so tight,” Angel answered.


“Well yeah, she was my Sire.”


“And we'd driven her mad and she wouldn't leave us.”


You had me pinned, my arms back in a tight grip that I couldn't get out of, no matter how hard I tried. “Ask her,” you growled but I could feel the smirk on your face. I tried to pretend I didn't know what you wanted but you'd have none of that so, finally, I did ask.


Drusilla, honey, come with me and leave this place. Leave them.” She looked... lost. It was as if she couldn't imagine life without you, without the two monsters who'd driven her mad.


“And yet you stayed with us,” Angel stated.


“She was my Sire,” Spike repeated, nervously.


“There's more to it than that.”


“No, there's not.” The table shoved over as Spike stood up. “She's my Sire so I stayed. End of story. So you can stop trying to get into my head because there's nothing more to know. Thanks for the bottle,” he added, grabbing the whiskey as he backed up towards the door. “I'm sure you can find your own way out of town, preferably after sunrise.”


Angel sat for a while, watching the door Spike had stormed out of. He held up his glass and gazed into the amber liquid as if searching for answers. “She was insane, injured, which you thought meant she needed you. Being dependent, she'd never be able to leave you. Eternal love. Isn't that what you called it?” Downing the whiskey in one gulp, he slammed the glass onto the table. “The illusions of mortals aren't for the likes of us.”


Spike leaned against the wall of an alley, staring up at what little he could see of the sky, and thinking how the stars used to sing to her. How the stars probably still did sing to her. He didn't notice when the bottle shattered in his hand. That day, while the rest of my new family, he gave the word a sneer, slept, I held her in my arms, whispering against her dark curls. “You'll never leave me. Not ever. My darling, my dear. My eternal love.”


As Spike turned to flee, trying to find someplace that wouldn't remind him of his lost love, shards of glass shattered under his boots.

Date: 2009-07-24 02:10 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] slaymesoftly.livejournal.com
This was excellent. I'm so glad I clicked on. Wonderful Dru, wonderful Spike and Angel/Angelus... I'm awed.

Date: 2009-07-24 09:54 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dragonyphoenix.livejournal.com
Aw, thanks. *blushes*

Profile

dragonyphoenix: Blackadder looking at scraps of paper, saying "It could use a beta" (Default)
dragonyphoenix

February 2023

S M T W T F S
    1234
567891011
1213 1415161718
19202122232425
262728    

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Jul. 12th, 2025 04:24 pm
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios