Fic: The Thin Line Between Hell and Heaven 7/9

[dragonyphoenix]

Title: The Thin Line Between Hell and Heaven
Fandom: BtVS
Characters/Pairing: Spike/Xander
Rating: R eventually, for sex, but PG for adult themes in this chapter
Concrit: Please, in comments
Disclaimer: They aren't mine, not yet, but the will be once I've taken over the world. Bwah-ha-ha.
Summary: There's a thin line between love and hate...
Notes: This is a reworking of my drabble, Don't Get Caught, which was inspired by forsaken2003's Weekend Stuck Together.
Notes: This story came out very Season 4 episode heavy: this chapter, "The Yoko Factor"  
Masterlist

“He's counting on me being in the fight. What does that even mean?” Buffy asked.

“What were his exact words?” Giles added.

Spike paced around Giles' flat, from bookcase to weapons trunk and back to the bookcase again. “I told him how tough the Slayer is and how she always wins. I asked if he was sure he wanted her there, and he replied quote 'I'm counting on it.' bloody sodding unquote.”

Spike thought about Adam's next words. I will make you whole again. I will make you savage. As he thought about savaging the land, about being able to feed again, to sink his teeth into warm throats, a toasty glow filled him. Then he thought about Xander, about a ravaged Xander and how he'd look, bloody and bruised, dying on the ground. His body jerked in one quick, uncontrolled motion.

“What was that?” Buffy asked.

“Nothing,” Spike said. When he saw they weren't buying it, he added, “That Adam guy, he gives me the creeps.”

“You,” Xander said. “A demon who's been wreaking havoc for over a century.”

Damn, should have known his boy wouldn't buy it. “He's not natural, is he? All demon parts, and human parts, and machinery mixed together.” Turning his back to the group, he added, “There's more.”

“More what?” Willow asked.

“Intel,” Spike added, unconsciously using Riley's term. Turning toward the Slayer, he said, “He didn't know about your friends. Thought you were a solo worker or somesuch.”

“So you told him.” Buffy didn't sound happy.

“Hey,” Spike defended himself. “Have to give some to get some.”

“And what did you give him?” Giles asked.

“Told him I'd split you up.”

“Huh?” That was Xander.

“You know, told him I'd talk to you all, individual like, and fix it so you wouldn't work together.”

Willow snorted. “Yeah, right, like that'd work.”

Spike thought about what he could do with a few well chosen words. “Didn't say I could, well OK, I told him I could, but doesn't have to be true so long as Adam believes it.”

“And what did this get us again?”

With a sigh Spike said, “He thinks you'll be alone, no friends backing you up, at the battle.”

“Which is what Adam thought before you spoke with him.” Thank you Rupert.

Xander, who'd been unaccountably quiet, chimed in, his voice as solemn as a death knell. “What else did he offer you?”

“Huh?” Spike's heart lurched.

“You wouldn't work for him just to get Buffy killed off.”

Spike thought about that. He should want to kill the Slayer, but he knew it would upset Xander. “Maybe he's offering cash.”

“Or maybe there's something you aren't telling us.” Xander, sitting off in the leather chair, just across the room from him, seemed distant and cold, like a mountain on the horizon, unattainable.

Spike took a step back. “He's gonna take the chip out.”

Giles pulled out a handkerchief and started wiping his glasses.

Willow started babbling. Who could have predicted that? Oh yeah, anybody. “So you were gonna come back all chipless and kill us in our sleep? Is that it?”

“No, I wasn't going to kill you all.”

“Oh right, because we're such great friends.” Buffy spread the sarcasm on thickly.

“Spike,” Xander said. “This isn't going to work if you aren't honest.”

“Why the hell would I be honest? You lot have got each other to watch your backs. Me? I've got nobody.” He fled into the night, ignoring Xander's voice following him into the darkness, calling out his name again and again.

Needing a place to lay low, Spike thought quickly. None of his old hideouts were any good; he'd be too easy to find. Ditto on cemeteries; soldier boys went through too often. Willy's wouldn't work either; again Scoobies knew to look for him there. For no obvious reason, Angel offering him Xander's neck flashed through his thoughts, and Spike thought about the old high school. It was empty, so there'd be no strays wandering by, and nobody'd think to look for him there. Good enough.

He climbed down the stone steps into what had been the library and sat on what was left of the floor, lighting a cigarette. So Xander et al. didn't want him getting rid of the chip. Why the bloody hell should he care? He'd known they weren't on his side. They saw him as a paid minion, didn't they? Someone they could use and then toss aside, rubbish to be discarded.

He found himself staring at a pile of rubble, the rocks that had fallen on him that time they'd stopped an apocalypse. Xander had pulled him out. Yeah, but that only meant Xander had an ulterior motive. You don't stop and put yourself at risk to save just anybody. That kind of heroics was saved for vampires of your Line, vampires who had the same Sire. But wait, that was demons. Well, OK, a lot of humans wouldn't go out of there way to flick a fly off a dying kitten, but Xander? He tried to save everybody, didn't he?

Spike thought about his plan, seducing the lad so he'd be too distracted to attack. Not only did it sound stupider than, well than a really stupid thing – and he'd definitely been watching too much Blackadder with Xander if that made sense – but it seemed like he was kidding himself. Who seduced someone as sexy as Xander just to mess with their head? Not Spike, that was for sure. All his reasons seemed like one big rationalization, a way to get him closer to Xander, but why?

He thought about Xander's actions: speaking out so Riley wouldn't find him, apologizing for not believing that Giles had been turned to a demon, leaving him the chair to sleep on when he'd put Giles on beach balls, telling Riley his name was Spike when the git had tried to call him Hostile 17. He heard Xander's words: “I'd follow you in again”; “You don't get to say whether it's his home or not”; “I trust him.”

Xander saw him as a person. Spike could hardly credit it. Yeah, OK, Buffy thought the poof was a person, but he had that soul dragging him down. Xander saw Spike for who he was. He must. He could tell when Spike was lying or holding something back, but he treated Spike like he was worth something. “I trust him” rang through Spike's mind.

“Yeah, you trust me while I'm chipped,” Spike muttered, but his heart wasn't in it. He hadn't stayed around long enough to find out what Xander thought, now had he? And why should he care what the lad thought? So Xander treated him like a man. So Xander seemed to care. So he wanted to shove Xander against a wall and kiss him until he couldn't think straight.

Wait. What?

Spike thought on that last bit. He wanted to kiss Xander.

Bolting up, tossing his cigarette to the floor, he walked up to one of the big metal columns and banged his head against it. “Oh, I did not go and fall for a human.”

Spike didn't know what to do. Xander couldn't love him. Sure, Xander saw him as a man, and sure, way back when Xander had seemed to lust for him, at least a little bit. But humans didn't fall for demons, except that Buffy had, for Angel. If Buffy, then why not Xander?

It didn't matter. Xander was going up against Adam. Whether Xander loved him or not, Spike had to stay to protect him, which meant he could never leave. In Sunnydale, there was always going to be another apocalypse. Fine, stay in Sunnydale, stop the end of the world, and then figure Xander out. That he could do.

He stood outside of Xander's house for hours. What if Xander hated him now? What if his invitation had been revoked? He knew Willow had a spell; she'd done it to Angelus, who'd bloody well deserved it, but Spike didn't. He was just trying to help, well not help so much as to keep Xander safe, but that was of the good wasn't it?

Finally, when dawn was so close Spike wasn't sure he'd make it to shelter if his invitation had been revoked, he walked through the door. Xander threw himself at Spike, wrapping him in a hug. “Oh God, I've been so worried.”

Spike felt stubble against his cheek and saw that Xander had on the same clothes he'd worn yesterday. “You were up all night worrying,” he paused, afraid of the answer, “about me?”

Xander pulled out of the hug. “Spike,” he said tentatively, “I have your back. I will always be there if you need me.” He looked earnest but also a bit unsure, as if he was waiting for Spike to start mocking him, making fun of his ability to protect or even help.

“I,” Spike stuttered. “Well,” he added. “That is.” He gave up trying to speak.

“Come here.” Xander pulled him to the couch, sitting him down. Leaning over Spike, he asked, “Are you hungry? Can I heat you up some blood?”

“Sit with me?” Spike asked.

Xander was next to Spike in a flash, sitting as close as he could without actually sitting on Spike. It wasn't long before Xander's head started falling, not surprising since the lad had been up all night. Spike waited until Xander was mostly asleep before pulling Xander into his lap, resting the lad's head against the couch and stretching his legs out over Spike and covering them both with the green comforter that sat on the back of the couch. “What'z?” Xander murmurred.

“Shhh, it's nothing. You just sleep.”

He woke to Willow's voice. “Xander, did you hear from Spike?” After a pause there was an “Oh, I guess you did,” and then Xander was up, sleepily moving toward the kitchen, mumbling something about coffee while Willow stared at Spike.

As Spike got up and stretched, wondering how he could distract Willow, he felt the disks in his jacket slap against his side. “Here,” he said, pulling the disks from his pocket and handing them to her. “From Adam.”

“From Adam?” she asked.

Spike shrugged. “These are supposed to get you into the Initiative at the right time, right time for whatever it is he's cooking up.”

“Oh.” She pocketed the disks and started staring at Spike again.

With a dramatic and intentional roll of his eyes, Spike said, “No, I'm not about to eat you all.”

“That's not what I was,” Willow started. “I mean that's good. I'm glad you're not about to kill us but, um, you seemed sort of cozy with Xander there.”

“And what of it?”

Willow got downright scary. “If you hurt him, I'll hit you with a shovel and bury you where, um OK, I guess there won't be a body to find, but you get my meaning. And I do know that a shovel won't necessarily kill you but I'll find the Holy Shovel of Antioch or something if I have to, and I sort of think I've digressed.”

Spike looked over to the kitchen, where Xander was puttering around with the coffee machine. “If I'm going to kill Xander, take you out first. Right, got it.”

“That wasn't quite what I meant, but as long as we have an understanding.”

Spike stared straight at her, catching her gaze with his. “I won't let anyone hurt Xander.”

Comments

[rngrdead.livejournal.com]

I loved this chapter... So sweet and very fun.
Thanks for sharing.
L
J

[dragonyphoenix.livejournal.com]

Thanks, it was nice to finally get to this bit.