next time (and I know there'll be a next time)

[dragonyphoenix]

I know, I’m still thinking about this issue with Aunt Alice. I’ve been working out how I will respond next time. The thing is my default response has always been a defensive move. She makes an accusation and I respond by answering that specific complaint. I think it’s time to be more offensive.

When someone tells my Dad that his behavior is problematic and explains why, he thinks on it and will change his behavior. I’ve seen him do this my whole life. I have no idea how Alice will respond in that same kind of situation but I figure I should give her the benefit of the doubt. So the next time she wigs out on me, I will explain the pattern of behavior I’m seeing, explain that it’s hurtful, and see how she reacts.

I’m expecting her to be dismissive of my comments but until I make the experiment, I cannot know for sure,

Part of me wants to point out how her behavior is like my mother’s patterns but that would not be effective. She did not get along with my mother and would see that remark for the insult it’s meant to be. If I’m trying to get her to change her behavior, I don’t have the luxury of insulting her.

If, after a couple of tries, my idea doesn’t work, then I can add in the subtle insult.

Comments

[velvetwhip.livejournal.com]

I really hope this works. I hate seeing you so upset and tied in knots. *hugs you lots*


Gabrielle

[dragonyphoenix.livejournal.com]

We've just unfriended each other on Facebook. This is a pattern on my mother's side of the family: disowning relatives. I was hoping to avoid it but wasn't sure I could. I certainly didn't expect it this quickly.

[velvetwhip.livejournal.com]

Sheesh. Well, if she's going to be like that then I think it's for the best. Just let go. No one who treats you like this is worth it, relative or not.


Gabrielle

[dragonyphoenix.livejournal.com]

The main reason I wanted to mend this was so visits to my sister wouldn't be so awkward.

With Dad I'm working on the relationship because I want to have a good relationship with him. I honestly don't care about my relationship with Alice. We've barely interacted for more than twenty years.

And thanks for the hug. ;-)

[snogged.livejournal.com]

Good luck to you. This sounds like a tough issue.

[dragonyphoenix.livejournal.com]

It is. Of course while I was working out how to fix our relationship, she was deciding to end it. *sigh*