anger issues

[dragonyphoenix]

I've been furious at work. Multiple reasons: don't enforce mask wearing, have me running a machine and standing all day, pressure to work faster, impossible goals. I've been thinking my anger is situational but today I recalled other explosions of anger. I was enraged by a job over 10 years ago as well and again, I seemed to have good cause. Decades ago I kicked and smashed a glass door when I couldn't open it. As a teen I slammed the front door and shattered the glass. Lately, with the current job, I slammed a kitchen drawer shut and the front broke off.

This is a pattern. I'm freaking out because this is a pattern.

My Dad and his father both have anger issues. This is a family pattern.

I practiced tonglen earlier this evening, breathing in my upset over this realization and breathing out hope that I can change. It helped but only somewhat. I'm still feeling really weird about this. On the one hand, good to know because I can meditate and practice yoga in the hope that it will help but on the other hand, I really don't like knowing this about myself.

Comments

[silveradept]

Plans are good. And I hope yours work flawlessly.

[dragonyphoenix]

Thank you.