Me and My Beast

[dragonyphoenix]

Title: Me and My Beast
Pairing: Spike/Xander
Rating: Teen
Concrit: In Comments, Please
Disclaimer: Joss Whedon: genius; me: just playing with his characters
Warnings/Squicks: None
Summary: The boys fight a demon and bicker a bit.
Notes:

• The title, and Xander's first line, are from the song “Revelation” by Happy Rhodes.

• I ruthlessly 'borrowed' the phrase “jammy little oik” from the Pointy Stakes story Chocolately Goodness, Part 4 – The Peanut Butter War.  Right, "jammy little oik" has now been replaced with "bootless reeling-ripe varlot", which I got from a Shakespeare insult generator.  Gosh the Internet is fun!

 

The demon not only at over seven feet tall, towered over Xander, it had sharp looking pointy spikey things all over it. “So, puny human. All alone.”

 

“There's only me,” Xander replied and then, as Spike stepped into view added, “and my beast.”

 

“What?” Spike asked, turning towards Xander.

 

“What do you mean, what?” Xander panicked as the demon moved in on him. “Demon about to pummel us?”

 

“Nah, he's only going to pummel you. P'trenyu beasts don't care to eat vampires. Nice tasty human brains on the other hand...” he trailed off.

 

“And you're not saving me, why?” Xander shouted, backing away from the demon.

 

“You called me a beast. Is that how you see me, Xander?” Spike pouted. “Like some wild animal, well that part's all right, but less than human?”

 

As the demon picked up Xander by the throat, he hoarsely whispered,”Spike? A little help here?”

 

“I want an apology,” Spike said, matter of factly.

 

“Won't get it if I'm dead,” Xander added.

 

With a sigh Spike grabbed a battle ax from behind a tree and cut off the demon's arm. As Xander fell to the ground, he decapitated the monster.

 

“An apology,” Xander said hoarsely. “You almost get me killed and you want me to apologize to you?” He pulled himself up off the ground and added, “Idiot.”

 

“That didn't sound like an apology. Berk,” Spike replied.

 

“And that might hurt if I knew what it meant. Beast.”

 

“Call me a stallion and I'll kiss it all better,” Spike leered.

 

Xander looked at Spike as if he were insane. “After doing your best to get me killed? Nuh uh, no nookie for you. Bleached wonder.”

 

Spike, being used to that look, from pretty much everybody, and having long ago learned to ignore it, replied, “If I was doing my best, you'd already be dead, wouldn't you? And was that bleached wonder bit supposed to be an insult 'cause I thought it sounded sort of good.”

 

Xander looked at him in wonder. Had Spike never seen Batman? “Too much to explain. Show you later. Blood breath,” Xander called from behind him as he started to head home.

 

Putting his hand in front of his mouth, Spike tried to breathe into it, which, because he had no breath, didn't actually do much more than allow him to say, “I do not have blood on my breath. You bootless reeling-ripe varlot.”

 

“Again with the incomprehensible insult,” Xander said, leaving Spike to catch up before adding, with a yell back to the vampire who hadn't actually got in motion yet, "And hey!  I am not drunk."

 

Spike's eyes widened with surprise.  "Wait," he said, running after Xander.  "How did you understand that?"

Comments

[parcae-lj.livejournal.com]

I liked Xander's horror at the idea that Spike might not have seen Batman. You don't see geeky Xander enough.

On a side note, "jammy" means "fortunate regardless of merit," so I'm not sure it's entirely appropriate in context.

[dragonyphoenix.livejournal.com]

Thanks. I hadn't thought about geeking Xander up more but it's a good point.

And drat! Now I'm going to have to come up with some other incomprehensible insult.

[dragonyphoenix.livejournal.com]

OK. I've updated the final insult. This is what I love about concrit. I get to make the story better. Didn't just change that one line but gave it a better ending as well. I'm loving how Xander got Spike's cultural reference when Spike didn't get his.

[windandsummer.livejournal.com]

Omg the last bit absolutely brilliant. Really cute and funny piece thanks for sharing.~Bee

[dragonyphoenix.livejournal.com]

Thanks for reading.

[hari-kari.livejournal.com]

Hee. Lovely! Well written and funny. :)

[dragonyphoenix.livejournal.com]

Thank you. It was fun to write.

[darthsindel1981.livejournal.com]

very cute i love the boys banter

[dragonyphoenix.livejournal.com]

Thanks. Banter is fun, isn't it?

[mulder200.livejournal.com]

LOL! Spike/Xander banter is the best part of any Spander story. I also loved how Xander surprised Spike at the end. That's my Xander. Just full of surprises.

[dragonyphoenix.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

The surprise wouldn't have happened without parcae_lj's concrit; definitely helped me improve the ending.

[bmblbee.livejournal.com]

Very cute.

[dragonyphoenix.livejournal.com]

Thank you.