Run

[dragonyphoenix]

Title: Run
Fandom: BtVS
Characters: Xander, Willow, Angelus
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Joss Whedon: genius; me: just playing with his characters
Warning: I hadn't realized it but apparently I'm being squickly cruel to Xander.

 

Xander scanned the garden as he tried his bonds. No luck. Angelus had tied them too tightly. Even if he could free himself, the garden was at the center of a house, well, mansion was more like it, which was crawling with minions.
 

Not a bad place to die. Not that he wanted to die but also not like his opinion counted for much at this point.
 

He wondered if he'd see Willow before Angelus killed him. Not that he wanted to. If Angelus hadn't killed her, well no, after two years Angelus most definitely had killed her, but if he'd turned her afterwards, Xander didn't want to know. He'd rather go to his death thinking she was well and truly dead.
 

As if his thoughts had evoked her, Willow stepped into the garden, nervously looking over her shoulder but approaching him quickly and confidently.
 

“Xander, thank God you're still alive,” she said, settling before him in the moonlight, which made her skin seem paler and her hair darker than he recalled. No, her skin would be paler now. No sunlight. When he didn't answer, she asked, as if with concern, “Are you OK?”
 

Why do vampires always want to banter, he wondered. “Come on. You're just glad I'm alive so you can torture and kill me yourself. You know it. I know it. Don't play with me.” Stupid move, stupid move, stupid move, he thought knowing that, to a vampire, that kind of comment was just like waving a red flag in front of a bull.
 

Willow bit at her lip as if uncertain. “Xander,” she said, touching his cheek. Her hand was warm.
 

“Willow?”
 

She started untying the ropes. “We have to get out of here quickly. I don't know how long they can keep the vampires distracted.”
 

“Who? What?” Xander asked in confusion.
 

“Demon hunters. They rescued me. I... I'm sorry I didn't get world to you but I couldn't break my cover. Come on, they'll be waiting for us just outside.” Standing, she put a finger over her lips and gestured for him to follow her.
 

They made it out a side door without being noticed. Searching the area, Xander asked, “So where are these guys?”
 

“Church is a couple of blocks that way,” Willow said, following her own train of thought before adding, “What guys?”
 

“The demon hunters. You said they'd be waiting outside,” Xander replied.
 

“Oops.” Willow turned her ridged face towards Xander. “Run,” she said.
 

Xander startled back a few steps. A tear slid down his cheek. “Willow?” he stammered.
 

Angelus stepped out of the shadows. “Was his despair everything you'd hoped for?”
 

“It was but why won't he run? I can't have a hunt if the puppy won't run,” Willow replied.
 

Angelus stepped towards Xander.
 

He ran.

Note: I've been trying to figure out why so many people thought this was dark whenI don't.  In the original version, which was Spander, Spike and a bunch of Slayers are there to save Xander but Willow and Angel get away.  It was a bittersweet, found out WIllow's been vamped, but not too dark, nobody got hurt kind of a story.  This shorter version worked better and I never noticed how dark it was without the original ending.

Comments

[red-satin-doll.livejournal.com]

I think it can be easier to write about something that you cannot personally relate it, at least when it's something awful.

Very probably true. And at that, it's probably also true when it comes to not-awful things? rahirah once noted on her Lj that it's easier for her to write m/f than f/f, and wondered if it were true because as a lesbian f/f is too close to home? Which made me wonder if that's true for me (as a lesbian) as well.

but then there's other times when I've been able to write things that are indeed close to home - when my partner and I were having a really rough patch in our relationship ten years ago a lot of it came out in my writing; it was easier for me to write conflic into my fic at the time.

Then there is also the simple aspects of imagination and curiousity , of 'what if?" that come into play as well.

I was more ignored than bullied in school.

I used to wish that I were ignored. Which does not bring back good memories at all!

[dragonyphoenix.livejournal.com]

Well, I think it can go both ways. Sometimes things you are very close to are too hard / angsty to write or to write well, but there is also the catharsis of writing something out.

I think some of my darkest non-con torture stories were largely a scream of anguish. It was a really bad time for me and that's one of the ways that expressed itself. Having said that, as rahirah (http://rahirah.livejournal.com/) mentioned there is the sexualized pain as a kink aspect. I've been thinking about this lately and it's confusing for me because it can be both. It can be an expression of intense internal pain but it can also be something that I just enjoy reading.

[red-satin-doll.livejournal.com]

Well, I think it can go both ways.

Oh absolutely. for me, for instance, I can't read spanking fics. I have bad memories from childhood. for other people I'm sure it's a a way to get a handle on those memories, and take back control for themselves. Sort of like my brother realized he was having nightmares about spiders and set about learning all he could about them.

I think some of my darkest non-con torture stories were largely a scream of anguish.

And probably a healthier way to express it than a good many other methods I can think of! I've never gone that direction although my mother considered the poetry I wrote in high school very dark and troubling. "Do I need to be worried about you?" she'd ask, so I stopped showing them to her. To me it was all about word-play (c'mon what high school student doesn't go through a "dark phase"?) but in hindsight perhaps she was onto something.

It can be an expression of intense internal pain but it can also be something that I just enjoy reading.

I guess I can understand that; angst probably works that way for me. (Buffy waking up in her own coffin is one of the most horrifying images of the series. Do I hate it? Yes. Have I watched that episode repeatedly? Yes.)