dragonyphoenix: Blackadder looking at scraps of paper, saying "It could use a beta" (Blackadder)
[personal profile] dragonyphoenix
Note: Written for the prompt or rescue at Open on Sunday but not posted there because it's too long.

"Speed of lightning, roar of thunder.”

Saturday morning. 5:30. Dawn had cranked the volume. Buffy stared at her ceiling. Three. Two. One. Mom’s door slammed. The tv clicked off. “Go to your room.”

“What are you gonna do? Ground me even more?”

“Honey, you’re not grounded.”

“Feels like it.” And there went Dawn, stomping up the stairs.

Not even in Sunnydale could a blown-up high-school be blamed on PCP crazed druggies. There’d been talk of a bomber, like that guy in Oklahoma City. Mom had pretty much kept them in the house ever since.

On tv, once the hero saved the day, he got the girl – not that Buffy wanted a girl – but once the day was saved, everything was fixed. She’d saved the day. So why was everything broken?

Date: 2015-01-23 11:56 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] velvetwhip.livejournal.com
I love this! Like the way you brought in Dawn.


Gabrielle

Date: 2015-01-24 12:06 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dragonyphoenix.livejournal.com
Thanks. I was worried that Buffy's PoV and not being told Joyce went down the stairs might be confusing, might suggest she was talking to Buffy. Since it's for a drabble site, I was trying to keep the word count down.

Date: 2015-01-28 05:48 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] red-satin-doll.livejournal.com
I love this! Like the way you brought in Dawn.

Me too (on both counts). SUMMERS WOMEN APPRECIATION FTW!

Date: 2015-01-28 09:55 pm (UTC)

Date: 2015-01-24 11:54 am (UTC)
From: [personal profile] kikimay
Awww, I really love this missing moment.

Date: 2015-01-24 03:58 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dragonyphoenix.livejournal.com
Thanks. I rather like writing missing moments.

Date: 2015-01-24 02:42 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] snogged.livejournal.com
Very nice!

Date: 2015-01-24 03:56 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dragonyphoenix.livejournal.com
Thank you. ;-)

Date: 2015-01-25 01:07 am (UTC)
double_dutchess: (Buffy Prophecy Girl)
From: [personal profile] double_dutchess
Wonderful little scene from the real life of a hero.

Date: 2015-01-25 01:43 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dragonyphoenix.livejournal.com
Thanks. *grin*

Date: 2015-01-25 03:15 pm (UTC)
ext_1707915: (Default)
From: [identity profile] rbfvid.livejournal.com
It's a wonderful missing scene!

Date: 2015-01-25 03:24 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dragonyphoenix.livejournal.com
Thank you. *huge grin*

Date: 2015-01-25 06:29 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] a2zmom.livejournal.com
Excellent. I can see Buffy felling exactly like this.

Date: 2015-01-25 08:16 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dragonyphoenix.livejournal.com
*grin* Thank you.

Date: 2015-01-28 05:53 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] red-satin-doll.livejournal.com
I love seeing this peek into the Summers family household - more please?

It was a wee bit confusing at first but that have been my lack of blood sugar; it made more sense on the second read.

So why was everything broken?

Ouch.

Date: 2015-01-28 09:54 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dragonyphoenix.livejournal.com
Thanks. I thought it might be confusing but wasn't sure. It helps me tremendously to know you had to read it through twice to make sense of it.

Date: 2015-01-28 10:13 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] red-satin-doll.livejournal.com
Just don't ask me exactly what I was confused by. It's like the translator on the Enterprise - all of the sudden I "got it".

Thank you for being so open to feedback. :D

Date: 2015-01-29 12:50 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dragonyphoenix.livejournal.com
Well let's see, 1) unless you're familiar with Underdog, you wouldn't have recognized the opening line. And NOW I think of going with the Itchy and Scratchy show. ;-)

2) There's nothing indicating Mom went downstairs from her bedroom

3) At first it might not have been obvious that she was speaking to Dawn when she said "Go to your room."

4) If you didn't catch Underdog, then what had Dawn cranked the volume on? Plus you might not have picked up that Dawn was downstairs.

I'm happy to get feedback.

And, wow, when I spell it out there's quite a bit that's potentially confusing, more than I'd realized.
Edited Date: 2015-01-29 12:52 am (UTC)

Date: 2015-01-29 01:59 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] red-satin-doll.livejournal.com
Underdog was one of my favorite cartoons when I was a very little girl - it's been decades since I've seen it!

"The tv clicked off" helps of course. I'm not sure if it's confusing or I was just worn out and tired from shoveling snow for three hours when I read this.

Date: 2015-01-29 02:17 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dragonyphoenix.livejournal.com
Three hours? Ouch!

I lucked out. My rooomie did the little shoveling that there was. I only had to clear off my car.

Date: 2015-01-29 11:42 am (UTC)

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