Are you a good witch or a bad witch?

[dragonyphoenix]

So my aunt posted this with the Wiccan Rede below it. I don’t know what to think of it so I’m sharing it here. Any thoughts?

I'm not fond of some of the posts someone has been posting, making fun of Christmas practices and/or Christians (but really showing her arrogance and that she believes she's more intelligent than the rest of us), but I bit my tongue until now. I don't want to be mean, I want her to THINK about how her posts must affect her family, because if she gave it any thought at all she wouldn't have posted most of it. We're all entitled to our own beliefs, and no one should be making fun of another's beliefs.

“Ever mind the Rule of Three
Three Times what thou givest returns to thee
This lesson well, thou must learn
Thee only gets what thou dost earn!”

Since I’m the only non-Christian in the family, this is directed at me although she doesn’t name me directly.

So, what have I posted this month?
44 non-holiday
25 holiday related but I can’t see how they’d be offensive (although possibly I’m wrong. Maybe she found the cthulhu tree offensive)
28 holiday songs
11 solstice / yule
1 Kwanzaa

Out of 128 posts, I’m guessing these 9 are offensive (except for the one she did comment on). What might she see as offensive (I’m guessing since she didn’t specify) and why I posted them:

1. Song “The Christians and the Pagans”. Yes, she’s right. This song does (lightly) bash Christians and I’m not thrilled with it for that, but I do find the family getting along despite their differences to be moving. Also I have friends who I know love the song.


2. An image of Santa and snowman lawn ornaments behind a wire fence which talks about the war on Christmas and internment camps. I do not see this as a Christian vs. Pagan image. Some people think there’s a “war on Christmas”. Because I completely disagree, I think the image is funny.


3. Santa and a demon (krampus) sitting close together and the words “Sometimes I fight my demons; sometimes we snuggle.” Krampus is traditional at Christmas in Europe. What I was thinking as I posted it was Pema Chodron talking about sharing a cookie (or cake) with your demons.


4. Accurate nativity play depicting real birth issues. Aunt Alice did comment on this that she found it offensive. It was late. I don’t recall why I posted it.


5. Linus (from the Peanuts) talking on the Pagan origins of the holiday. Okay, I guess I can see this one. I posted it because I have friends who’d enjoy it.


6. Comparing St. Nicholas to a Klingon (and they do look a lot alike). It’s geeky. I liked it.


7. Witches caroling and a family being afraid of them. The depiction of the witches and dragon is cute.


8. There was a fourth wiseman who was turned away for bringing fruitcake. Funny.


9. “We worship nature. Don’t laugh, we can prove it exists.” This was the furthest back. I didn’t even recall it until I went through my December posts. But it does seem sort of true to me. If that’s me thinking I’m more intelligent, then mea culpa.

Comments

[red-satin-doll.livejournal.com]

I know she says she's not posting that to be mean but she could have contacted me privately.

And really that's the crux of the matter. She could have even complained to a friend privately but to broadcast it like that? She meant for you to see it but didn't have the stones to say anything directly (or simply grow the hell up and learn to deal.)

And what about all the other lovely videos you posted? You've been a veritable font of cool holiday spirit this past month, how does all of that not count?

[dragonyphoenix.livejournal.com]

I wish I understood. It does follow a family pattern. My aunt sent me a gift and a large check for Christmas. My mother used to be quite generous with gifts but then she'd treat me like crap. I remember mentioning Mom's pattern to my sister and her responding with "Thank you!" because she'd seen the pattern as well and appreciated the validation.

So, I keep telling myself it's not about me.

[red-satin-doll.livejournal.com]

So, I keep telling myself it's not about me.

That's exactly what you need to remember sweetie - and most folks never get to that basic realization.

I'm sure you're familiar with the term "crazymaking" from your therapy or your reading. And that's how people like this operate. It's like a see-saw of positive/negative behavior.

[dragonyphoenix.livejournal.com]

No, I hadn't actually heard of crazymaking before. Bleah. I'm really sick of dealing with dysfunctional people. *sigh*

I think I prefer the decades where aunt Alice was ignoring me!

[red-satin-doll.livejournal.com]

The "Term" crazy making has been around at least since the 1970's. Here's a fairly good article on the types of abuse involved in this pattern.
http://verbalabusejournals.com/about-abuse/crazymaking/

I think I prefer the decades where aunt Alice was ignoring me!

It's obvious that you're making changes, going to therapy, identifying toxic patterns and that is incredibly threatening to the people who are still locked into their dysfunctions.

I think I mentioned Dr Harriet Lehrner's book "The Dance of Anger" to you; she talks about these patterns in her books, and the "change back!" moves that family members attempt to keep you down, to maintain the familiar status quo and prevent others from making changes. Because if one person makes changes, it implies the "system" isn't working and it causes others to have to re-evaluate their own lives or they double down on the toxic patterns.

Fun, fun, fun. Right?

I fully support the work you are doing to heal yourself and grow. I think that is absolutely awesome.

[dragonyphoenix.livejournal.com]

They interpret your actions in a way that paints you in the worst possible light. Oh yeah, Aunt Alice definitely does this one. For example, my holiday posts are attacks on Christians and not my happily sharing with my Pagan friends. She will authoritatively say "this is what Judy means by this" as if she has a link into my thoughts!

Withdrawing runs rampant in my family. My Mom never got to see her grandkids because Jackie wouldn't have anything to do with her. Jackie won't speak with Dad now that Mom's passed away; apparently she has to have someone to be angry at. Aunt Alice also wouldn't interact with Mom. My mother didn't want to see her brother Art. I live really far from them all. Big pattern in my family!

I've decided I want to minimize contact with Alice. It's not as if we see / talk often anyway. She doesn't matter enough for me to try and change her behavior. I'm sort of wondering if I'm just going into the family pattern of withdrawing, but I don't think so. I called Dad on his behavior and we're getting along better now, but he's important to me. I want to keep in contact with him.

I fully support the work you are doing to heal yourself and grow. I think that is absolutely awesome. Thank you. I do think the therapy and meditation are making a difference!