no more Facebook bombs apparently!

[dragonyphoenix]

Actually I had been thinking of her words just this afternoon and had decided to be more careful with my posts in the future.

I just got this response from my aunt Alice:
You completely missed the point of my post - perhaps the post was too vague for you to understand. I didn't mean your posts were INTENDED to offend me (or anyone else). What I asked was that you THINK about what you post in case it COULD offend someone else. Believe it or not, Judy, the "real" birthing experience video is highly offensive to me -- whether or not YOU find it offensive wasn't the point of my post. But never mind, based on your lengthy discussion of the posts you suppose could have offended me, I'm fairly certain you'll never consider anyone else's feelings before you post, so I found a way to not be offended by anything you post in the future: I've unfollowed you, so I never see your posts. Problem solved.

Interestingly, I had just gotten over wincing in anticipation of another nasty post when opening Facebook.

And I know I said next time I'd respond by explaining her patterns of behavior, but right now I really, really don't want to.

Also, I'm not sure what to do with the check for $100 she sent. I sort of feel if I cash it I'm the bitch that upset her and greedily too her money but if I send it back I'm the bitch who returned her check. Either way, I'm sure she'll find a way to be insulted.

When Red Satin Doll and I were discussing the first nasty Christmas post, she said that Aunt Aiice doesn't know me very well. Reading this, I agree. If Alice thinks I don't care about other people, she really does not know me.

Comments

[futterwackens.livejournal.com]

I had an aunt like that. Her name was Betty, She was my aunt by my mothers previous marriage. She did not like me because I was not the child of her brother. The first husband. She would constantly berate me, tell me that I was going to be in jail by the time I was 18. While I was and have always been a law abiding citizen.Her daughter who was literally on crack and steeling and constantly getting arrested could do no wrong. I earned that to make her happy I had to become invisible, meaning I had to be quiet and only answer when she asked me a direct question. Sometimes you can't win for losing.

[dragonyphoenix.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry you had to go through that.

Sometimes you can't win for losing. That's my take on it. I honestly think she's just angry - a lot of that going around in my family - and taking it out on me.

She's also following a family pattern. Lots of people in my family have disowned relatives. In fact, Alice didn't talk to my mother for years if not decades.

[velvetwhip.livejournal.com]

Keep the money since there's nothing you can do that won't set her to clutching her pearls. Good Lord! I'm offended by her and I've never even met her. That missive to you was horrid!


Gabrielle

[dragonyphoenix.livejournal.com]

I've e-mailed my sister to ask if Alice has expressed a preference about the check.

And thank you. It's nice to know I'm not the only one who thinks she's being awful.

[double_dutchess]

Well, as your aunt says, "Problem solved". Not in a particularly nice way, but hey, at least you don't need to worry anymore about possibly offending her with your posts...

I do think it's weird she sends you money if this is how she feels about you. And whether or not to keep it: just do what YOU want to do, since as you say, she'll probably be offended either way. If it will make you feel better to send it back, then send it back; otherwise, just cash it.

[dragonyphoenix.livejournal.com]

The bit with the money is a family thing. Before she passed, my mother used to be generous and then verbally abusive as if her generosity entitled her to be mean. I've seen Alice do this in the past as well. In fact a lot of this is driven by family patterns: the anger, the generosity and then abuse, the disowning.

I'll see what my sister says but if I hear nothing else I'll probably cash it. I'd been thinking of using it for a visit to my therapist to help me work out how to deal with Alice. *shakes head*

I've been tempted to post and say I don't have to worry about being offensive anymore, but I've managed to restrain myself. Nobody really wants to see that.

[red-satin-doll.livejournal.com]

I'll see what my sister says but if I hear nothing else I'll probably cash it. I'd been thinking of using it for a visit to my therapist to help me work out how to deal with Alice.

And then send her a thank you card and tell her she paid for a therapy session to work through the hurt and trauma she's put you through!

NO NO DON'T DO THAT. I'm kidding of course. But the temptation to throw it in her hypersensitive, thoughtless, entitled, patronizing, hypocritical face..... THIS is what a "superiority complex" sounds like, by the way.

They say a picture is worth a thousand words but this quote from your aunt is - worth a thousand words. I worried I was being to harsh when discussing her because I don't know her but her comments here tell me that no, I'm not. If anything I've been kind.

JFC what a bitch. Can I be mad on your behalf?

[dragonyphoenix.livejournal.com]

Temptation. Yes. Even when I was still thinking of mending the relationship, there was that temptation to throw in a little dig like "Gee, you act just like my Mom used to when you do this." Alice would have hated that. I had determined to not do that because it would be counterproductive to fixing the relationship, but gosh I sure did want to.

I figured she must have a deep sense of inferiority. This isn't the first time she's accused me of thinking I'm more intelligent than everyone else. That alone speaks volumes.

Can I be mad on your behalf? Feel free. I'm not sure what I'm feeling at the moment, other than stressed.

[rahirah]

Yeesh. I think you're well rid of her.

I'd just rip up the check and forget about it. (But I have been known to cut off my nose to spite my face, so feel free to cash that sucker.)

[dragonyphoenix.livejournal.com]

That's a good idea. If I do cash the check, I'd feel as if I were in her debt.

Well, well rid of her.

[snogged.livejournal.com]

Cash the check.

Also, given how drama-filled Facebook can be, it's probably better for you to "unfollow" each other.

[dragonyphoenix.livejournal.com]

We have unfollowed each other. It's sort of a relief. I've been cringing each time I open Facebook lately.

[the-emu.livejournal.com]

I would very, very, very much want to respond with

"Well, your insistence that everyone else should have to tiptoe around you is incredibly offensive to me, but I see from your incredibly selfish, bitchy messages that you feel absolutely entitled to stomp on other people's feelings, so I'm just going to unfollow you."

But that wouldn't help in the long run.

Sometimes I find it very satisfying to write out what I wish I could say. Then you get the satisfaction of writing it out, and the satisfaction of being a bigger person because you didn't send it.

Spend the $100 on Satanic books and an evolution fish. At least you'll get a bit of dark glee out of it.

8^-

[dragonyphoenix.livejournal.com]

Eeee! Yes! I would have loved to have sent that message. In this situation, I have had a lot of the kinds of bigger person moments you've described.