Took long enough

[dragonyphoenix]

Had my first chat with my therapist today.  I felt much better afterwards although that didn't last.  She did confirm I'm depressed by giving me this twenty-question thingamabob to fill out.  My score was 69, which is the high-end of moderately depressed; apparently 70 is the low-end of whatever the next worst level of depression is called.

My assignments till next week are to think of three things a day that I'm grateful for and to work on stopping my negative thoughts.  Apparently telling the cat "I'm off to hell" each morning as I head out to work is a self-fufilling prophecy.  I'm thinking the best I'll be able to do tomorrow is "work might not totally suck today".  *sigh*

Comments

[diebirchen.livejournal.com]

I think the actual scientific term is dohickeymabob, sweetie. Soooo much more precise and evocative than thingamabob. I referred to my job as the hellhole. No kiddin'. Beaming positive energy your way . . .
Me

[dragonyphoenix.livejournal.com]

I knew thingamajiggy wasn't right but I didn't want to write "twenty-question questionaire"!

I referred to my job as the hellhole. No kiddin'. Good to know I'm not the only one, but apparently I will no longer be doing that.

And thank you so much for the positive energy; I'm feeling pretty worn out this evening. I'm having a chips and ice cream for dinner kind of a night. Think I'll crash early.

[diebirchen.livejournal.com]

I'm a good listener if you need one. I've escaped but fully understand being in the trenches.

[dragonyphoenix.livejournal.com]

It's actually nice to know someone understands my desire to escape. Sometimes it seems like the entire world wants me to be miserable forever.

Which sounds really whiney now that I've typed it out.

[diebirchen.livejournal.com]

There's a lot to be said for escape, but the fact is that the world doesn't want you to be miserable at all, let alone forever. The world doesn't give a flying flip one way or the other. That's why we all have to take control of our lives and work for happiness with help from our friends and lots of determination.

[dragonyphoenix.livejournal.com]

Which would be easier if my determination hadn't sunk into the black hole of depression.

[diebirchen.livejournal.com]

Actually, I still refer to my former job as the hellhole.

[skuzzbopper.livejournal.com]

How about, instead of telling your cat, "I'm off to hell," telling it "Mommy will be back in eight/nine hours!" Or something. Sometimes keeping count makes it feel longer, but sometimes keeping count makes time fly.

[skuzzbopper.livejournal.com]

Also, if you need someone to commiserate with... I will gladly volunteer. I've been kinda miserable lately too, despite all the good things going on, which seems kind of stupid-- but I can't really help it.

[dragonyphoenix.livejournal.com]

Sure. So good things happening but still miserable. Bad stuff going on too?

[skuzzbopper.livejournal.com]

I mean... Not really. It's more like the good stuff that's not happening yet. I'm getting my grad degree online, which means I have a little more free time to write, but it also means that I have to rely on my parents for things that I didn't used to have to rely on them for. And they're so, so wonderful, and they spoil me rotten, but every time they do, I feel guilty, even though they're the ones who asked me to concentrate on school.

I start an internship next semester-- don't know if it will be paid or not. There's a girl I like, who likes me, but she doesn't want to date right now. And my computer crashed, which means I'm kind of half-lost with my classes. And right now there's another girl who's sort of toying with me. Plus, original writing has stalled, which makes me so beyond sad.

[dragonyphoenix.livejournal.com]

It would be hard to be dependent again. How is it you don't know if the internship will pay or not? Can't you ask. My computer is recently back so I can totally relate to the lack there, even if I didn't have to worry about class problems with mine. Between that and the depression I've stopped writing to, which is bumming me out. I'm going to try and get back to it tonight, but I don't feel very motivated. ;-(

[skuzzbopper.livejournal.com]

My Boss, one of my favorite people on the planet, really wants me back. The thing is, she has to work out all the details with her boss, and the board (I would be working for a university library), and she can't do that until I meet with her next Wednesday to discuss specialties. So, yeah, I can ask-- but she won't know until December.

Same, same. I'm waiting for my cowriter to get online so that we can write together tonight, but she's late, so. I'm bummed.

I have an idea-- do you want to do a little drabble thread? One word prompts, Spander theme? We can start and stop whenever we feel like, but it might get you motivated without being too much effort.

[dragonyphoenix.livejournal.com]

but she won't know until December. Which is weeks away and hence your problem. Bummer.

Drabble thread? Spander drabble thread?!? *bounces up and down in chair* Yes, yes, yes.

Which reminds me, I have to finish up my open on sunday drabble. Thanks. I keep spacing it!

[skuzzbopper.livejournal.com]

Check my journal! It is there!

[dragonyphoenix.livejournal.com]

Well, I've mostly run out of work to do so tomorrow is likely to draaaaaag on. ;-(