but ...

[dragonyphoenix]

“I don't want to be mean, but …”

Stop right there. You’re about to be mean. If you want to say whatever’s coming after the word “but” then lose “I don’t want to be mean.” You’re being mean. Own it.

If you really don’t want to be mean, then “I don’t want to be mean so I’ll stop now.”

Comments

[dragonyphoenix]

Yeah, you're right. "I'll stop now" is awful. I meant it more in a "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all" sense. This post was a response to my aunt which you can read about in another of my comments on this page.

She certainly did have a legitimate complaint. But ... she said she didn't want to be mean and then said I'm arrogant and that I think I'm better than everyone else. It was that she went there, that's what really upset me. Of course as my other post indicates, she was following a dysfunctional pattern that meant she had to go there. My family's not good at setting boundaries. We expect the other person to know our boundaries and get more and more pissed off that they don't until we explode.