not sure how else to handle it

So I’ve been thinking over this situation with my Aunt Alice and reviewing other times she’s wigged out. She just has no problems lashing out at me. But, she lives in the same town as my sister Jackie and so if I want to see my sister, not to mention my niece and nephew, I should be on at least polite-conversation terms with Alice.

I have had issues with Dad and therefore know that if you point out his behavior he will think about it and try to correct it. Nothing I’ve ever seen from Aunt Alice suggests she’ll do the same.

Also, it’s important to me that Dad and I at least try to have a good relationship. Alice and I have done little more than exchange Christmas presents for decades now. I don’t have a problem having a distant relationship with her.

Aunt Alice can be incredibly thoughtful with gifts. One year she gave me a book that had belonged to my great-grandmother. But she also does one thing my mother did: be very generous and then verbally abusive.

I can’t avoid Alice completely since I want to have a relationship with Jackie and her kids. Since Jackie and Alice are close, and I think Jackie gets along with Alice better than with me, I don’t feel as if I can confide in Jackie (about Alice) because I can’t count on her taking my side. About all I feel I can do is reduce my Facebook presence so I take away an avenue of attack.

story idea

In response to The Letters (Snape/Anya) I got this: Come to think of it, I'd not be surprised to hear that Voldemort is due to a vengeance wish granted by Anya's friend (the one who helps children)....Can't you just picture it? Suddenly little Tom Riddle gets his wish granted in the orphanage...

Okay, I'm not writing it, but I'd love to read it. ;-)

next time (and I know there'll be a next time)

I know, I’m still thinking about this issue with Aunt Alice. I’ve been working out how I will respond next time. The thing is my default response has always been a defensive move. She makes an accusation and I respond by answering that specific complaint. I think it’s time to be more offensive.

When someone tells my Dad that his behavior is problematic and explains why, he thinks on it and will change his behavior. I’ve seen him do this my whole life. I have no idea how Alice will respond in that same kind of situation but I figure I should give her the benefit of the doubt. So the next time she wigs out on me, I will explain the pattern of behavior I’m seeing, explain that it’s hurtful, and see how she reacts.

I’m expecting her to be dismissive of my comments but until I make the experiment, I cannot know for sure,

Part of me wants to point out how her behavior is like my mother’s patterns but that would not be effective. She did not get along with my mother and would see that remark for the insult it’s meant to be. If I’m trying to get her to change her behavior, I don’t have the luxury of insulting her.

If, after a couple of tries, my idea doesn’t work, then I can add in the subtle insult.

no more Facebook bombs apparently!

Actually I had been thinking of her words just this afternoon and had decided to be more careful with my posts in the future.

I just got this response from my aunt Alice:
You completely missed the point of my post - perhaps the post was too vague for you to understand. I didn't mean your posts were INTENDED to offend me (or anyone else). What I asked was that you THINK about what you post in case it COULD offend someone else. Believe it or not, Judy, the "real" birthing experience video is highly offensive to me -- whether or not YOU find it offensive wasn't the point of my post. But never mind, based on your lengthy discussion of the posts you suppose could have offended me, I'm fairly certain you'll never consider anyone else's feelings before you post, so I found a way to not be offended by anything you post in the future: I've unfollowed you, so I never see your posts. Problem solved.

Interestingly, I had just gotten over wincing in anticipation of another nasty post when opening Facebook.

And I know I said next time I'd respond by explaining her patterns of behavior, but right now I really, really don't want to.

Also, I'm not sure what to do with the check for $100 she sent. I sort of feel if I cash it I'm the bitch that upset her and greedily too her money but if I send it back I'm the bitch who returned her check. Either way, I'm sure she'll find a way to be insulted.

When Red Satin Doll and I were discussing the first nasty Christmas post, she said that Aunt Aiice doesn't know me very well. Reading this, I agree. If Alice thinks I don't care about other people, she really does not know me.