dragonyphoenix

I know, I’m still thinking about this issue with Aunt Alice. I’ve been working out how I will respond next time. The thing is my default response has always been a defensive move. She makes an accusation and I respond by answering that specific complaint. I think it’s time to be more offensive.

When someone tells my Dad that his behavior is problematic and explains why, he thinks on it and will change his behavior. I’ve seen him do this my whole life. I have no idea how Alice will respond in that same kind of situation but I figure I should give her the benefit of the doubt. So the next time she wigs out on me, I will explain the pattern of behavior I’m seeing, explain that it’s hurtful, and see how she reacts.

I’m expecting her to be dismissive of my comments but until I make the experiment, I cannot know for sure,

Part of me wants to point out how her behavior is like my mother’s patterns but that would not be effective. She did not get along with my mother and would see that remark for the insult it’s meant to be. If I’m trying to get her to change her behavior, I don’t have the luxury of insulting her.

If, after a couple of tries, my idea doesn’t work, then I can add in the subtle insult.

So my aunt posted this with the Wiccan Rede below it. I don’t know what to think of it so I’m sharing it here. Any thoughts?

I'm not fond of some of the posts someone has been posting, making fun of Christmas practices and/or Christians (but really showing her arrogance and that she believes she's more intelligent than the rest of us), but I bit my tongue until now. I don't want to be mean, I want her to THINK about how her posts must affect her family, because if she gave it any thought at all she wouldn't have posted most of it. We're all entitled to our own beliefs, and no one should be making fun of another's beliefs.

“Ever mind the Rule of Three
Three Times what thou givest returns to thee
This lesson well, thou must learn
Thee only gets what thou dost earn!”

Since I’m the only non-Christian in the family, this is directed at me although she doesn’t name me directly.

So, what have I posted this month?
44 non-holiday
25 holiday related but I can’t see how they’d be offensive (although possibly I’m wrong. Maybe she found the cthulhu tree offensive)
28 holiday songs
11 solstice / yule
1 Kwanzaa

Out of 128 posts, I’m guessing these 9 are offensive (except for the one she did comment on). What might she see as offensive (I’m guessing since she didn’t specify) and why I posted them:

1. Song “The Christians and the Pagans”. Yes, she’s right. This song does (lightly) bash Christians and I’m not thrilled with it for that, but I do find the family getting along despite their differences to be moving. Also I have friends who I know love the song.


2. An image of Santa and snowman lawn ornaments behind a wire fence which talks about the war on Christmas and internment camps. I do not see this as a Christian vs. Pagan image. Some people think there’s a “war on Christmas”. Because I completely disagree, I think the image is funny.


3. Santa and a demon (krampus) sitting close together and the words “Sometimes I fight my demons; sometimes we snuggle.” Krampus is traditional at Christmas in Europe. What I was thinking as I posted it was Pema Chodron talking about sharing a cookie (or cake) with your demons.


4. Accurate nativity play depicting real birth issues. Aunt Alice did comment on this that she found it offensive. It was late. I don’t recall why I posted it.


5. Linus (from the Peanuts) talking on the Pagan origins of the holiday. Okay, I guess I can see this one. I posted it because I have friends who’d enjoy it.


6. Comparing St. Nicholas to a Klingon (and they do look a lot alike). It’s geeky. I liked it.


7. Witches caroling and a family being afraid of them. The depiction of the witches and dragon is cute.


8. There was a fourth wiseman who was turned away for bringing fruitcake. Funny.


9. “We worship nature. Don’t laugh, we can prove it exists.” This was the furthest back. I didn’t even recall it until I went through my December posts. But it does seem sort of true to me. If that’s me thinking I’m more intelligent, then mea culpa.

In the Circle of Friends remix, the story I'd chosen to remix is itself a remix of another story. Since my transformative works policy, if I had thought it out formally, would pretty much be "You want to play with my stories? Whee! Go ahead. (Just link back and credit me)." it never occurred to me to okay a remix with the author of the original story.

Right, that sounds confusing. So, I'll give them names. In the CoF remix, I was assigned the works of IAmPrincessX. So I looked at her stories and the one I picked is a remix of a story by Y_TheLastMan. (Note: genders should not be thought of as descriptive of the people in question. I picked X and Y because they are, mathematically, the first unknown variable identifiers I go with, and those are the first names that came up for X and Y.) Since IAmPrincessX is participating in the remix, I already have her permission to remix a story. Until yesterday, basically the day I finished my draft, I did not think to check if Y_TheLastMan would be okay with a remix, and actually I didn't think of it so much as stumble across a transformative works policy which says I love having work created off of mine but "Please do not remix my written works. I am much more comfortable when that is done in the context of a remix fest that I am participating in myself." So I explained my situation and Y_TheLastMan said please don't post that story.

By the way, I completely agree with Y_TheLastMan's right to squelch a remix of the story -
(I really mean this. No dissing of Y_TheLastMan. I don’t understand why an author might say “you can’t play with my story” since we are all already playing with stories created by others, but I do understand that some people can get quite upset when someone else has played with one of their stories.)
- but ...

*sigh*

I put a lot of time and energy into it. It's a crossover. I not only watched two seasons of Buffy, I also watched all of the Harry Potter movies. I've written three drafts of 2930, 5831, and 8566 words respecitvely. After shifting years around so that Harry Potter events could happen during Buffy seasons, I made a 20 page timeline. The story is told all in letters; I created a spreadsheet to say if this letter left from this place on this day, it would get there on what day.

Even more frustraging, I was so excited about the story. One of the things I adore abut the CoF remix, is that I write outside of my box. The format for this story comes from Helene Hanff's _84, Charing Cross Road_. (It's a charming story. If you haven't read it, I highly recommend it.) It was quite exciting to work out the contents of all those letters and show the growing relationship through them. *sigh* again.

Hugs? Please?